We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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