WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
