I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just had sex on a roof
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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