Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
