Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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