All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
