planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
