You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
