i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
