How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
