I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
