I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
