hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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