my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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