I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
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Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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