I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
