I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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