i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
