My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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