i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
