Sponge bath it is.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So squirting runs in the family.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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