You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
