My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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