When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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