Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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