If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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