im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
