I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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