South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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