Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
