I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
