I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
no. you can't hotbox the world.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
