apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
