I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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