I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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