This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Green mimosas i think yes
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
