I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
