do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You are the jesus of drinking
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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