i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
