rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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