I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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