that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
