I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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