i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
