RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
