Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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