My hand turned me down
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
