I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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