in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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