Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
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gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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