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dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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