It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler