u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am