I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time