Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.

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  (267): In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/c22r
  Replies (14) Good night (567) Bad night (3929)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.

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  (217): The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again. http://tfl.nu/eq2e
  Replies (26) Good night (7942) Bad night (1059)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.

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  (815): I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too. http://tfl.nu/hrck
  Replies (26) Good night (4586) Bad night (894)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this

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  (304): enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this http://tfl.nu/89bx
  Replies (18) Good night (4009) Bad night (626)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  We tried having a conversation with our noses.

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  (856): We tried having a conversation with our noses. http://tfl.nu/by13
  Replies (9) Good night (2791) Bad night (863)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them

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  (610): i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them http://tfl.nu/hras
  Replies (41) Good night (4283) Bad night (1609)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.

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  (405): You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class. http://tfl.nu/7p98
  Replies (26) Good night (2923) Bad night (4847)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'

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  (303): there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame' http://tfl.nu/7sje
  Replies (8) Good night (4123) Bad night (982)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.

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  (512): apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls. http://tfl.nu/xowh
  Replies (13) Good night (1603) Bad night (4310)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american

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  (201): I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american http://tfl.nu/02ni
  Replies (194) Good night (3128) Bad night (15764)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher

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  (508): Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher http://tfl.nu/j0wm
  Replies (3) Good night (1652) Bad night (455)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."

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  (515): My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches." http://tfl.nu/3hga
  Replies (7) Good night (1956) Bad night (380)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.

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  (425): I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings. http://tfl.nu/8k6q
  Replies (2) Good night (622) Bad night (279)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM

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  (715): Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM http://tfl.nu/1p5l
  Replies (5) Good night (844) Bad night (418)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.

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  (513): Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough. http://tfl.nu/b714
  Replies (4) Good night (530) Bad night (386)

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