btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
