You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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