If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
