there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
