your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
