Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
