so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
