Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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