i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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