dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
