2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
