Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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