we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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