No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
