omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
