we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
