He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
