Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
