last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
