Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Houston, we have a blender
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
