She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just pee around me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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