I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
