i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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