He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
